Wednesday 26 July 2017

Fantastic Four Annual #6 - Part Two

In Part One of this review we left our heroes escaping the power-mad clutches of Annihilus with the Cosmic Control Rod as he prepared to unleash the fearsome Borers upon them...



A full-page panel 'treats' us to our first glimpse of the Borers in all their spanner-faced shark-lizard glory, and at the top left of the panel we can see a good example of Kirby's slightly erratic approach to perspective (either that or one of the Borers has a really giant hand). We are excitedly told that these are savage creatures of pure destruction, but look at their eyes... look at the sadness there... they don't want this life, forced to perform at the whim of a mad immortal. They just want to be left alone, but Annihilus is (as we've already established) a massive bellend and cares not for their petty feelings.

No wonder they're cross.


BORING!

Because Annihilus doesn't even give a fuck about his own stuff (except his rod, obvs) he seems happy to let the Borers wreck his tunnel and rail plane just to get to the Fantastic Three. Or maybe he does give a fuck and it's an insurance job. Anyway, while Reed seems oddly defeatist given what's at stake for him, Ben is just all "bugger this for a lark" and makes with the clobbering while flame-boy flames REALLY flameily to melt the rock... instead of melting the Borers. Yeah, that makes sense.

So, shockingly, the trio find themselves overwhelmed by the monsters only one of them is actually making any effort to deal with directly. Reed, however, manages to shake off his doldrums and raising the Cosmic Control Rod in a dramatic pose he unleashes just enough energy to deal with the shield them from the Borers and get back to the surface whilst also ensuring there's enough left to save Sue and the Baby. Clever Reed!



Meanwhile, Annihilus is watching the live stream on his aPhone, and is rather cross that our heroes are going to escape, so he leaps into his flying gun-ship... a craft which takes the term rather more literally than the real world military being pretty much a gigantic motherfucking gun with a cockpit and engines. Ever eager to monologue even when there's nobody to hear him Annihilus talks us through the operation of this weapon (not a euphemism) before firing it at the cosmically speeding trio.

Clobbered and flung around like rag dolls, Ben and Johnny think all is lost but Reed, clever clever Reed, uses the Cosmic Control Rod again to arrest their flight and then dodge the missile which has now been fired at them; conveniently forgetting for the sake of plot advancement that only moments ago the amount of power contained in the device was limited... enjoying his ever more extravagant use of the object that happens to be the only way of saving his wife and child Reed deflects the missile back towards Annihilus' penis gun-ship and hands them safely upon some floating rocks.

IT DOESN'T (ANTI-)MATTER

Reed handwaves Johnny's suggestion that maybe he shouldn't keep spaffing away all the cosmic energy and then suddenly realises that they've been on these rocks before!!


They now find themselves in the very place where "space is transformed into anti-matter!" and drifting towards an anti-planet that will very soon leave them anti-alive. Reed tried the Cosmic Control Rod, only to find that it has been completely neutralised by whatever crime against physics is going on here. Reed chooses not to despair, for the world below them is the counterpart of Earth and therefore life may have evolved there too, according to some cosmic master plan... and then he ruins it by pointing out everything and everybody down there would be made of anti-particles and if he or his companions were to touch anything there'd be a colossal explosion. I bet he's great fun at parties.

However, before he can continue being a massive buzzkill, Annihilus appears again, shooting a pistol from the remnants of his gun-ship. As our heroes cling onto the disintegrating rock, Reed uses his stretchy powers to lasso the pistol and snatch it from their would-be executioner.

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE STATES

The hospital are holding a press conference about the imminent danger to Sue Storm and the baby, as you do. Doctor Molinari explains (again, just in case anyone reading has forgotten already) about the cosmic energy in Sue's blood. Luckily, it turns out Reed did tell them he was going off to find a cure, and the other unnamed doctor assures the assembled journalists of this fact before we shift back to the action in the Negative Zone.

Annihilus has been disarmed, but the Fantastic Three are still drifting towards the anti-planet and incapable of using any energy (except that required to talk and move). Annihilus finally resorts to begging them for the control rod, but Reed is hesitant for this is what will save Sue and the sproglet... unless there were some way to drain the energy out of it! Annihilus, suddenly reasonable, tells them that there's a nozzle at the tip of his rod which will release the energy within, so Reed starts bargaining: he'll give the rod back in return for their repellor units...

Reed, conveniently, is carrying a small vial capable of holding anti-matter, and promptly drains off some of the energy. Annihilus actually doesn't go back on the deal, hands over the units, and just as the rock they're standing on begins to completely disintegrate the repellor units activate, because they don't need to use energy to function, just enough anti-matter to repel against!! (Remember what I said last time about the units possibly setting up a deus ex machina? Yeah, that.)

As the trio fly off Reed throws the control rod back to Annihilus who retreats back to his lair instead of going "fuck you, I have all the power again" and destroying them. Johnny quips that he doesn't want to run into him again, thus eternally setting Annihilus up as a recurring villain, as Reed vows to seal off the entrance to the Negative Zone as soon as they get home.


HOSPITAL DRAMA

I'm actually a little disappointed that I couldn't find an earlier title sequence.

With not a moment to lose our heroes race from the Negative Zone, stop to get changed (priorities, obvs) and then head to the hospital. This being the 1960s smoking is allowed in hospitals and this is woven 'seamlessly' into the plot by Johnny lighting a cigarette for a waiting father to be, not only avoiding any hint that Reed might engage in such things but also rendering their stopping to get changed completely pointless because it's not like their identities are secret.

Just then Reed comes out of the delivery room having delivered the cosmic energy, and the wait begins... after some time the other father to be, now identified as Mr. Smith, is told he has twins and promptly faints (this being the only time back then when men were allowed to do something so unmanly) and then as Reed worries that he might have delivered the anti-matter too late Ben hears a baby crying and out from the delivery room comes Crystal,  Dr. Molinari, and (for some reason I can't work out) a photographer and policeman. Sue has given birth to a baby boy and as Reed thanks Dr. Molinari the press come out of the woodwork because fuck giving Sue and Reed some quite time with Sproglet.

The trio and Crystal race down the corridor to Sue's room, where they meet Richards Jr. who apparently has been put in every blanked the hospital could find... but this being the US they probably figured they could charge more that way. And the comic neatly avoids my biggest bugbear with cartoon portrayals of babies by making the kid actually newborn sized and not looking like he's already six months old and wearing a curly blonde wig.

And we're left with the extended family gazing adoringly at the baby while Johnny says they need to make the world a better place, so all children can grow up in peace and brotherhood... frankly, looking at the state of the internet they did a shit job of that, and what about sisterhood? Eh, Johnny?

Seriously though, those blankets. When my daughter was born we only got one blanket and a towel to swaddle her in and we were grateful... [grumbling about healthcare systems fades into silence]

Tune in next time where I shall, having finally got around to watching the Netflix series, cast my eye over Daredevil #1.





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