Our Love Story #5

The last few days have been pretty shit, so I'm going to take a break from my deconstruction of 70s Doctor Strange to bring you a lesser known relic of Marvel's past, from when they did teen romance comics as as well as super heroes... The comic in question is Our Love Story #5, but only one of its stories is archived on Marvel Unlimited so this blog post will be thankfully short.

The cover, obviously, contains none of the action we're used to, instead featuring a square-jawed love interest brooding in a car while his would-be lover stands helpless with whatever the fuck grown men think young women are helpless with around boys. "You'll share every kiss-- every tear!" promises the header, next to a corner box featuring a silhouetted man and woman caught in a passionate embrace... racy stuff! Dotted around the cover are descriptions of the stories contained therein and our interest lies in the one we're promised we'll never forget (but I rather suspect by the end we'll want to)...

MY HEART BROKE-- IN HOLLYWOOD!

Our love story begins with Generic Blonde doing her make up as she arrives in Hollywood by bus. Her friend, Wendy, who probably listens to a lot more Black Sabbath than Generic Blonde does, declares "this is where it's at!" while Generic Blonde's internal AND external monologues gush about how she's always wanted to be an actress and how truly wonderful it is  that her whole drama class got picked to work with one of Hollywood's top directors, Artur Lavalle! This is a teen romance comic written by grown men, so the "young girl falls in love with older mentor figure" is to be expected really, but let's face it: it's probably no less distasteful than it was in Tales to Astonish #44, which came out ten years to the month prior to this whimsical fuckery.

Apparently the story was narrated to Stan Lee, but I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that Stan Lee (or at least a staff writer) made it all up.

Generic Blonde wonders aloud what the man is like and Wendy (who now reveals that Generic Blonde is called "Vick", though she will remain Generic Blonde hereafter) rebuffs her effusive speculation by pointing out that he could be really fucking boring. But Generic Blonde is having none of this as she's the sort who nowadays would not only have all his films on DVD but probably have made a collage wall all about him, Wendy criticises Generic Blonde's daydreaming and Generic Blonde, while defiantly daydreaming on purpose, crashes into a handsome man in a black suit and paisley neckerchief, sending his papers flying and causing an explosion of colour which one can hope is a super power but probably won't be.

The man has a bit of go at Generic Blonde, who says that they're there on the invitation of Artur Lavelle himself, to which the man replies that he IS Artur Lavelle.

GOSH. Who didn't see that coming the very fucking second he appeared? Generic Blonde, that's who. Because apparently in the 70s, being a massive fan of a high-profile film director does not require actually knowing what he looks like; I mean, I get they didn't have the internet then but surely if she was that into him she'd at least get magazines with him in or watch TV interviews. It's kind of heartening to see that Marvel clearly lets no boundaries of genre get in the way of throwing a MASSIVE FUCKING PLOT HOLE into a story just to facilitate the narrative.

Anyway, Lavelle admonishes Generic Blonde for her clumsiness but then decides to pretend it didn't happen and introduces himself formerly and Generic Blonde says that her friends call her Vick in a flagrant display of "oh, be my friend, pleeeeeease." We, however, are not here to be friends so, as above, will continue with Generic Blonde.

As it appears Lavelle himself does in the following days (well, he calls her Miss Grant, but you get the idea). Generic Blonde continues to tell Wendy how amazing Lavelle is, while Wendy (after contracting a very brief case of jaundice) tells her to stop wasting her time as Lavelle "doesn't know  you're alive", an observation Generic Blonde readily agrees with until...

MAY I SEE YOU FOR A MOMENT?

Through a haze of cigarette smoke (because the 70s) Lavelle summons Generic Blonde to his side so he can demonstrate something for the class. Gently, but firmly he grasps her arm and pulls her into an embrace, and then... he kisses her! For him, just a mere trifle but for her it opens up a psychedelic as fuck realm of fantasy involving them walking around and driving in his car (CCA, remember). At this point I'm definitely going with Generic Blonde's ability to generate panels of rainbow colour being a super power. As a child she was drawn on with a pack of radioactive felt tips or something.

Later, on returning to the apartment she's sharing with Wendy, who has changed her clothes and is posing with a guitar for NO FUCKING REASON (really, she's not even looking like she's playing it), Generic Blonde  iswearing what is described as a lovesick expression, but really isn't that different from any other expression Generic Blonde has worn so far, and Wendy says that doing so will scare Lavelle away... but, while continuing to pose with the guitar (including a brief interlude where it looks like she's actually starting to play it), Wendy drops the bombshell that Lavelle has announced he will pick one student to stay behind and act in his next film!

Generic Blonde was not told this, however, and self doubt fills her two dimensional personality while Wendy taunts her about how the kiss was for the benefit of the other girls. (No, I have no fucking idea how that's supposed to be a thing either.) Generic Blonde points out that the kiss was like he was telling her with his lips, rather than, you know, actually telling her, and Wendy points out that Generic Blonde is "pathetically naive", but Generic Blonde knows better because nobody else knows the way she feels.

DEPARTURE

The assembled students gather around Lavelle as he announces who will stay behind... Generic Blonde prays it will be her, but the name he gives is... Wendy's! Wendy celebrates while the hitherto unseen rest of the class suggest getting a Coke (which might be a clever way of mentioning drugs in a CCA approved comic, because this is 70s Hollywood after all) before leaving, but Generic Blonde storms off in tears.

Wringing her hands and tearing at her hair she laments her lot in life, not just losing the part but losing... wait! It turns out Lavelle loves her after all, having apparently spent an indeterminate amount of time not communicating this in the slightest (MEN!) and offers her the role of a life time, that of his wife. Because fuck it, if we're going to go with the creepy "older man plays with teenager's feelings" we might as well go the whole fucking hog and not even bother with any aspect of getting to know each other and so on.

We are left with parting words from Stan Lee  Generic Blonde, that this might not happen to every girl who reads the comic (managing expectations and all that) but it could happen to you if you just believe in the miracle of love. Vom.

Fucking hell.

Next time we return to the battle against Eternity in Doctor Strange #12.