Monday 13 March 2017

Doctor Strange #12

Slightly delayed due to spending a weekend in a castle pretending to be a MOTHERFUCKING WIZARD and then procrastinating afterwards, I now return to the story arc of Eternity trolling the Sorcerer Supreme in Doctor Strange #12.






We are straight in with a cover that does not fuck about in the slightest. Doctor Strange's lifeless skeleton lies slumped on the ground and a mysterious shadow looms over the corpse, its hand hovering over the groin. Just to be sure our eyes are really seeing what they behold we are excitably informed that Doctor Strange is DEAD and that we shall find out who killed him in...

IF THIS BE DOOMSDAY!


Or possibly...

FINAL CURTAIN!


Yes, the story title does indeed change between the cover and the splash page because if you're going to have a comic that kills off* the Sorcerer Supreme you might as well name it twice. Strange stands before the hunched figure of the Ancient One and is chuffed to bits to find his magic returned to him, and meanwhile the astral form of Baron Mordo poses dramatically next to the crouched figure of Aged Genghis. And I am lead to wonder, if I think the Ancient One and Aged Genghis look pretty much the same is it me who's being passively racist or the person who drew them...?

Anyway, as we move on we are treated to a recap of what's happened so far, which I won't go into too much detail on but instead encourage you to read my reviews of issues #10 and #11 if you haven't done so already, and our focus is drawn to Astral Mordo leering at Aged Genghis before, in an exciting development from when we last saw them, sitting down for no particular reason (the comic actually says "for no particular reason"; that's some super skillful storytelling there guys.)

Strange, being a clever sort, realises that he's not out of danger yet, and that the third version of himself he must confront is the Disciple, who he will totally beat because he's the Sorcerer Supreme. The Ancient One leads him through the temple to a pit spanned by a silver (coloured yellow) tight rope. The Ancient One crosses part way and then sits cross-legged upon the rope, because really if you're the Ancient One (or even just a vision thereof) you do get to show off a bit.



Strange edges along the rope and squats before the Ancient One with a disregard for perspective that verges on cubism as his erstwhile mentor admonishes him for doing too much wizarding, and warns that he cannot beat Eternity. Strange responds by saying he's not playing against Eternity but against Eternity's game, which is another one of those things that probably sounds waaaay deep when you've just smoked the last of your weed and are rummaging through the kitchen cupboards to find some crisps.

The Ancient One whips out a Tarot deck and draws Death, which like all good fictional interpretations of Tarot is 100% LITERAL and refers to the death of the human race. Strange declares "nope" and launches into a speech about how the end of the world isn't inevitable (even though it totally is, eventually) before being distracted by a psychic emoing from Clea, and then the Ancient One decides Strange isn't listening and fucks off.

Strange, however, decides enough is enough and resolves to take control of the game, but the Ancient One is all "O, rly?" and summons some demons, so Strange is all "ya, rly" and banishes them. He decides that overt power is not the way to deal with this so sends a teeny astral projection into the Ancient One's brain (which he apparently did against the actual Ancient One in Marvel Premier #10),  but the astral form is immediately flung back out. Is this Ancient One a mere construct? No, the mind is too vast and complex for that! Could it be... that this is the real Ancient One?

THE MASKED MAGICIAN RETURNS

Before Strange can ask though the Ancient One kicks him out of the temple, leaving our hero to trudge down the mountain lost in emoing about how futile and unfair this all is. But he's not along for long, because a masked figure soon challenges him...

...but before anything interesting can happen our gaze is drawn once again to Mordo and Aged Genghis and their continued Doing Fuck All. And now they both, by the coincidence of pure narrative causality, start thinking about Doctor Strange at the same time and they... open their eyes. Christ, I can't take this level of excitement.

Luckily we are now taken back to see the Masked Magician posing dramatically and monologuing about how he's going to straight up murder Doctor Strange. Strange, while dodging fireballs, muses on what a total bellend he used to be before giving up his "mystical career", this masked adversary being the pure embodiment of just how much of a bellend he was. However, the Bellend Strange manages to zap Actual Strange, and he vanishes in a flash of light! Or does he? No! In a panel that would have been way more effective on the next page Strange leaps up and fights back, seriously fucking up his double.


The Masked Magician falls down dead, and Strange pulls off the mask, revealing his own face... which he realises is also a mask! Then he pulls off the other mask, revealing a white skull, which talks to him in an eldritch voice (well, I assume it's eldritch because the speech bubble's all wobbly) before changing into the face of Baron Mordo!




MAMA WEER ALL CRAZEE NOW

Mordo scrambles to his feet and zaps Strange, sending the sorcerer tumbling into some kind of swirly abyss thing. Mordo is still mad as a box of frogs, but thanks to his mind-meld with Aged Genghis has found a plateau of clarity amongst the chaos of his mind. Of course Mordo, like any good super villain, is too busy monologuing to just off Strange outright, giving Strange time to try and reach out to Clea and summon her to his side.

But it's to no avail as Mordo yoinks Clea's mind away from her, leaving her as mindless as he had been in the deepest depths of his crazy. Then Eternity's voice sounds in Strange's mind, helpfully pointing out that insane people can be unpredictable and some waffle about how Earth in general thinks it can't lose at games when really it totally can. Especially games with obfuscated rules that keep changing.

And then Eternity pulls out the real twist in the tale: Strange hasn't been wandering a nether dimension... he never left Earth AT ALL... and the Earth is then utterly annihilated in less than eight minutes.


But that's not all! It wasn't the pretend Earth of the comics that was destroyed but the REAL Earth that we are reading the comic from!! "How is it you remain?" the comic asks us!

HOLY SHIT THIS IS SOME GOOD ACID.

"You want answers... you want solutions... and you find them in Dr. Strange #13!"

Yes, tune in next week as we explore just whatever the fuck is going on!

*Yeah, right.

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